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Happy Aphephobiacs

By   /   July 12, 2012  /   No Comments

Homeland Security will roll out a new laser to scan people at border checkpoints and airports. It works from 160 feet away and can detect anything from Adrenaline level, explosives, or what you ate for breakfast. Aphephobiacs everywhere are celebrating the news.

Great news for the aphephobiacs (people suffering from the fear of being touched) amongst us, today Gizmodo broke the story of the future laser that the government will be using in airports to remotely scan people. No more pat downs by pedophiliac perverts and other degenerates working for TSA.

Starting in 2013, thanks to a new laser equipment developed by Genia Photonics, the TSA will be able to instantly scan thousands of people for explosive residues, drugs, adrenaline levels, or even what they had for breakfast.

For the non aphephobiacs, it means no more long lines to get our genitals crushed by the caring hands of and overweight TSA officer. Really, who likes to wait?

For the tin-foil-hat-o-phile on the other hand it may not be such great news. This technology is “portable” and bound to get smaller and smaller. It could be rolled out everywhere: the mall, traffic lights, on cop cars and why not on drones.

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